A night apart

Monday night, for the first night in their entire lives, Matthew and Renee and I are apart. I was traveling for work and alone in a hotel. And it was hard, I missed them more than words can say, came close to tears a few times.

And what was I doing on this momentous night? Watching Sex and The City 2, missing my kids, husband and pre-kid life all at the same time.

They met me at the airport and I walked so quickly to get to them, I walked into at least 2 people!

A few weeks ago, on the second day of Rosh Hashanna, Samuel and I had a day alone together, and it was fantastic. We started by waiting for the first garbage truck to come. It was collecting yard waste, but Samuel seemed a little nervous about the truck and wanted to stay in the entrance of the house when the it came by. By the time the second garbage truck came to pick up the regular garbage and organic waste, Samuel was completely enthralled by the garbage truck. We followed it to every townhouse in the complex. We ran around corners to see if we could beat it, watched as every bin be dumped into the hopper and very piece of garbage be crushed by the crushing panel (thanks to the garbage truck books Marc bought Samuel, I can name all the parts of a garbage truck). He asked the garbage collectors about the truck and the garbage and where it went and why it smelled. He also explained to them that the smell would go away when the truck went by the sprinkler because the sprinkler would clean the truck. We went home and made lunch, spaghetti with pasta sauce with peas and a huge amount of herbs de provence. He loved it. Making it, eating it, cleaning up after it, all of it. We went to the see a movie, and later “played” video games. All was great until he fell, hit his head really hard, hard enough that there was a silence before the panicked cries and after the cries a “mommy, I want to go home now and sleep on my bed”. To keep him awake and entertained, we bought some silly bands and legos to make a dump truck, and other trucks that we could pretend were garbage trucks. He perked up and I remembered that I love legos. A Shabbat dinner topped off the day. It was amazing.

Samuel, waiting for the garbage trucks

Matthew’s best day would be last Sunday when we went on the subway. He loved every minute of it and talked about it all week “Mahew like tren” “ah love subway” ‘mammy there tren” every day all week. Until yesterday, when Marc took the boys on the subway train again. He continues to love “ha ball” (high ball), “o-side” (outside) and “dacing” (dancing). He also loves singing the Shabbat blessings, any day of the week, any time of the day. I'm sure picking me up from the airport would be amongst his top days, not because he came to see me, but because he got to pull my bag and eat pizza while pulling the bag. We had pizza at the airport and as we were cleaning up the table, Matthew grabbed the last bits of 3 slices of pizza. He pulled my bag with one hand and held on to the 3 pieces of pizza with the other hand all the way to the car, about a 10 minute walk, eating along the way. He was in heaven!

Matthew on our way back from the train

(note the sunglasses, that's how he insists on putting them on)

Pizzas and a suitcase, what more can a boy want?

Renee wasn’t so impressed with the subway train, and had a similar reaction to the train as she does to animals – shakes at the introduction, jumps in my arms and stays there hanging on for dear life. She is working on potty training and loves her “pulla” (pull-ups). She holds her own when the boys play with each other, entertaining herself independently or by watching their shenanigans. She has been sick for a few days, but seems to be getting better. She's so tired, she has bags under her eyes.

Shana Tova

Rosh Hashana is a time of year to reflect, to take stock. A holiday of rituals - eating apples and honey, hearing the shofar, round challah, being with family and friends. It always sneaks up on me - schools starts, work gets busy after the summer and it's always at a bad time to take days off - but I'm always grateful that it's here. A built in break to reflect.

Samuel is in his 3rd year of Casa (SK equivalent) and is taking his role as one of the older kids in the class very seriously. He came home after the first day of school to show us how 3rd years "have to sit like this" with his back super straight, his face super proud. He is obsessed, and I mean obsessed with garbage and recycling. Not only does he count down the days for our garbage days, but it's one of the first questions he asks people. At bedtime, he requests that we read the garbage collection calendar - "Thursday September 9 there is no pick up, Friday September 10 there is green bin and garbage pick up . . . ". He continues to have a most visid imagination and had his camp counselors that he wasn't coming back to the last week of camp as he was going to be in Israel. He absolutely loved camp, made real strides in swimming, and came home singing all the old stand by camp songs. A particular favourite was "everywhere we go, people always ask us who we are, so we tell them, we are the LULKAs, the mighty mighty Lulkas" I loved it, not sure what Marc thought :)

Playing Garbage

Matthew is a boy in every sense of the word. He kicks and throws a ball with uncanny skill. Most of the time, he's a happy-go-lucky guy, but when he gets mad, watch out - fists flail, neck vein pops, tears flow, body shakes. He love jumping on his mattress (despite repeated warnings, distractions, it's futile to dissuade him). A few weeks ago, he dove into the wall so hard he actually dented it. The cry that followed the first few seconds of silence was intense. I thought this was a teachable moment, so I took the opportunity to say "Matthew see the whole in the wall, see your the bump on your head, it hurts, so no more jumping on the bed" he looked at me, smiled, tears stopped and he said "jumping bed" and went right back at it. (if there was ever a lesson in telling kids what to do, not what not to do, this was it!). For weeks after, he'd say "head, wall, ou-y" pointing to the spot on his head and spot on the wall. This was replaced with "head, floor, ou-y" after he fell off the mattress and onto the hardwood floor. He loves fries ("papas"), hot dog dog, grapes ("yvas" = uvas), strawberries ("presa" = fresa), juice ("jus" or "ugo" = jugo). He has fallen in love with Amanda, Samuel's former teddy bear with a plastic doll's face. They cuddle and kiss all through bed time. He loves taking a bath, especially pouring water from containers ("watefa" = waterfall). He also loves brucshing his teeth and is partcular about which toothpaste he wants to eat, I mean use. True to his age, he often says "i do dis" (I'll do this), but not as often as his sister.

Bath time

Renee's favourite phrase is "I do dis". she loves to sing, particularly ABC, Twinkle Twinkle and Bah Bah Black sheep, and while that are the same tune her diction is good enough that you can differentiate which one she is singing. She is an avid and speedy "reader", she loves books but it's rare to actually be able to read one to her as she flips the pages so fast. She loves drawing and puzzles. She warms up to new people eventually, but when faced with a crowd her preferred place to be are my mom's, Marc's or my arms. She pinches, hard and purposefully, but then cries terribly when we respond with a firm "no pinching". She says thank-you (tak-u) and please (peas) in both languages (gasas = gracias, pofavo = porfavor). She's starting the toilet training process and takes great pride from using her potty and getting a "pula" (pull-up).

Drawing during Pictures at Nottawasaga

Matthew and Samuel get along famously and have really taken to playing together. Matthew and Renee still seem to have their own way of communicating with each other, although I haven't heard the "ewok" language in a while, they can look at each other and laugh hysterically. A few days ago, they woke up and despite our efforts to get them back to sleep, they decided that 5:30 was a beer time to tickled each other and that they did for about 10 minute, roaring with laughter. All three egg eachother on to do more things the shouldn't, like here when they moved the living room furniture around to be able to jump on it. The second picture shows Samuel helping Matthew over the back of the chair.

(no Matthews were harmed during the taking of this picture, he thought this was fantastic)

A few more pictures from Nottawasaga where we celebrated my grandmother's 90th birthday:

4 generations

One great-grandmother, 11 great grandchildren

Its the end of (part of) the world as we know it and I feel fine

So this is Samuel's favourite song on the compilation CD my sister has in her car, its tune #10 and he now asks for #10 in any CD regardless of what CD or where he is. #10 is his song.

But this entry is about the nursing journey that Matthew, Renee and I just finished. 778 days of nursing have come to an end. It was at my doing, my body was telling me that it was time.

When I reflect on motherhood, the one thing that defined the experience for me above anything else was nursing. I never thought I'd do it as long as I did for any of the kids, I never thought I'd struggle with it as much as I did for all the kids, I never thought I'd love it as much as I did. Nursing, and my commitment to, it entrenched me in the world of attachment parenting with co-sleeping, slings. Nursing also brought me to the Milk Moms.

Here's what I always want to remember

- Samuel had a special excited sound he made when it was time to nurse

- napping with Samuel every afternoon for those first few months

- Matthew and Renee holding hands, at first haphazardly and then purposefully

- Matthew and Renee fighting over the same side

- the lovely triad we formed

- the sense of accomplishment and firmness of my convictions that I was doing the right thing with every milestone of our nursing journey.

And now my body is mine, and I feel fine.

Renee do you look like you're 3?

"No, five" she answered.

She's starting to sit on the potty and loves wearing "pulla" (pull-ups). She loves reading books, or really speed reading books. "5 little ducks" and "wheels on the bus" from the Rafi series are her favourites and she whips through them, "wheels bus, rond round, upadown, beep beep, mo book" ("more book"). She recently got a purse and takes it with her everywhere she goes, she takes it to daycare and puts it on the table next to her during breakfast. She's not a fan of the outdoors (proof positive that she has my genes). She's starting to let me do her hair, although the most successful 'dos come from daycare where they've done pig tails.

Fire truck with playmobil going to garage with whales

"Send it to Regi's computer, NOW"

Matching Monkeys

Samuel chose matching pajamas for the 3 kids today, we tied to get a picture and this is the best we could get . . .

And the beginning of a somersault

Happy Birthday Matthew! Happy Birthday Renee!

The Cake: Made by my grandmother, decorated by Samuel

2 years ago . . .

. . . we were only three (but one of us was pretty big).

My initial thought when I contemplate on Matthew and Renee's first 2 years is how much I miss Samuel. Seems weird, I think, but it is what it is. I miss the time I had to be with Samuel, and I think of how much more I remember of his two years than I do of his 3rd and 4th years and of Matthew and Renee's first two years too for that matter.

And then I am overwhelmed by just how much I can love all three kids. Samuel and I had a great time giggling away last night at bedtime and I thought "this has got to be the most I can ever love another human being", and then at dinner tonight Matthew was singing along as I washed his face and I thought "how can I love anyone as much as I love Matthew", and when Renee said "petty blaket" ('pretty blanket" and pulled at Matthews car duvet, not her new pink heart one) and smiled up at me I thought "I love her more than anything". And this is a regular occurrence. I am in awe of each of them and all of them, and the capacity my heart has, all at once.

Here's a little pictorial trip down memory lane

Dinner the night before

T minus two weeks

T minus two weeks

T minus 9 days

T minus 12 hours

Sleeping Beauty, the End of a Temper Tantrum, and Beat It

For the first time in the 726 days since she entered the world, Renee slept through the night. She had done midnight to 5 stretches a couple times, but last night was a full 8 - 6. Bliss, and here's hoping that she'll do it again.

Here she is, the scarf was her addition to her outfit as was the hair band (notable because she already had barrettes too). She's also wearing her "mekiko" (Mexico) soccer t-shirt.

We had 2 birthday parties today - a 4 and a 40. Samuel, Matthew and I went to the 4 and Marc and Renee went to the 40. After spending some lovely time outside, it started to rain and the attendees of the 4 year old party went inside, pizza and cake were eaten, Michael Jackson videos were played. And, Matthew saw a pair of rain boots in the closet. he took his shoes off and put the rain boots on because "ranin ouside mam" (raining outside mom). When Marc came to pick us up, Matthew refused to give up the boots. We ended up taking them off and carrying him to the car in the pouring rain without shoes on. He was furious. To add insult to injury, Samuel was sitting in the car seat Matthew wanted to sit in. He had a tantrum - fists in the air, yelling, whole body shaking. And then the stopped and said "all done", smiled and went to sit in the 3rd row car seat. Here he is in his "mekiko ball" shirt.

Samuel also donned his "verde, blanco y rojo" (green, white and red, colours of the Mexican flag) today. And he did some mean "breaking" (break dancing) while watching Michael Jackson videos on You Tube.

La Poule Maboule

As the end of the school year approaches, school shows and picnics are in full force. Samuel played the part of the Mouton Fiston. He did so well, reciting and singing in French.